the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
