Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
