At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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