I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
