I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
