So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
