Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
