At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
