He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
