Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
