I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
