i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize