So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
