Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
