My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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