so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
