I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
