just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
