I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.