I didn't shave. On purpose
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?