Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.