Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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