Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring