The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty