I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
