It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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