I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
