I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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