thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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