Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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