I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
