fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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