Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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