Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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