just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I lost the right to judge tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
