Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome