she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.