she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened