it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
