I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
