so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
