Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
