Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
