i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
