that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
