to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
