All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
