My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize