dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
