how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
