and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
