"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
