You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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