Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
