so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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