shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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