a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
