Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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