spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
