She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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