Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the condom got lost in my hair
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
