i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The adults are the big ones right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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